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The fact I remember how gracious he was tells you everything you need to know about the impression he made.

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You're at an event. You introduce yourself to me as Jonathan. We talk. Within minutes, I'm calling you John. Or Johnny. Or Jack.

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Or the J-man. Maybe your friends call you J-man, but we're not friends yet , and you definitely haven't given me permission to go full diminutive on you, much less full nickname. Remarkably polite people wait to be asked to use a different, more familiar name. They call you what you asked--or later ask--to be called because it's your right to be addressed in the way you wish to be addressed.

Anything less would be uncivilized.


While I know that sounds like no one will ever hug or pat a shoulder or forearm because no one can ever go first, don't worry. Huggers hug. Patters pat. Backslappers slap. That's what they do.

Qualities I Admire In Others

Remarkably polite people go a step further: They never pat or squeeze or slap in a good way , even if they are patted or squeezed or slapped. Sure, they hug back, but they don't reciprocate other forms of touch.

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  • Some people don't even realize they're touching you, but they definitely notice when you touch them. That makes them feel uncomfortable, and discomfort is the last way polite people want other people to feel. Some people share incessantly on social media.

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    And maybe you occasionally see what they've been up to. But polite people don't bring those things up. They talk about sports, they talk about the weather, they talk about how The Walking Dead is a metaphor for life in corporate America, but they only talk about personal subjects the other person actually discloses in person. Maybe it seems like the person wants everyone to know about a personal subject, but in fact that's rarely the case. So unless his or her social media broadcasts were specifically directed to you, always wait. An acquaintance's mom died a few weeks ago.

    You see him, and you're not sure whether to bring it up. Remarkably polite people always bring it up. They keep it simple, like, "I was sorry to hear about your mother. I've been thinking about you and am hoping you're doing OK. Absolutely not. You've expressed your condolences which you should , and now you can both move on: Your friend is no longer wondering if and when you might mention it, and you are no longer wondering whether you should. It's hard to resist the inside scoop. Finding out the reasons behind someone's decisions, the motivations behind someone's actions, the skinny behind someone's hidden agenda--much less whether Liam is really dating Jeannette from marketing--those conversations are hard to resist.

    Remarkably polite people know gossiping about other people makes you wonder what they're saying about you. In fact, when someone starts to talk about someone else, polite people excuse themselves and walk away. They don't worry that they will lose a gossiper's respect; anyone willing to gossip doesn't respect other people anyway.

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    • If you want to share the inside scoop, talk openly about your own thoughts or feelings--then you're not gossiping, you're being genuine. That's what polite people do. But at the same time How can you tell? If you're talking about something just because it feels really good to share it, and there's no place for the other person to add value, you're just patting yourself on the back.

      When remarkably polite people want to talk about themselves, they ask for advice--but not humblebrag advice like, "I notice you keep your car really clean; what wax do you recommend for a Porsche?

      7 Basic Rules for Hugging | Psychology Today

      Ask a question that shows you truly value the other person's expertise or knowledge. The person will feel good, because you implicitly show you trust his or her opinion; you actually get input you can use. Just make sure you share those things in the right settings.

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      If you're a mentor, share away. If you're a coach or a leader, share away. File size:.

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